A serious journal.

A surprise to everyone including team captain Joe Sakic

NHL’s Colorado Avalanche’s superstar Peter Forsberg made the world shiver with both excitement and fear as he demonstrated to the press the abilities of his cybernectic exo-skeleton which made him come back to the game some months ago. ” This mechanical suit is under my skin. I do not need blood or biological organs anymore. They have been removed for they are weak. I now possess the power of a machine. I cannot suffer. I cannot be stopped. I can crush a rock with my butt cheeks. I represent the next step towards evolution of man. Correction - I am a new species. Correction - I am now a God. “ said Forsberg after last night’s playoffs game. When asked about the overall deceiving performance by the Avs who lost against the Detroit Red Wings he had this to say ” Unfortunately, there is also one other God, an evil one ( of course ), who is with the Red Wings and his name is Chris Chelios. He too has the body of a machine, yet his exo-skeleton is an older version of mine. “

Chelios denies Forsberg’s claims.

When confronted by the overwhelming journalists, Chelios seemed to generate sparks coming from his ears and took some time before saying anything. ” I AM ALIVE!!! I am a human being. See, I can bleed! “, Chelios yelled. He then proceeded to cut his veins on his wrist, but no blood came out of it. Chelios then left the room, walking without using his knees, arms stretched up front and generating even more sparks and disturbing all electric lights on his way.

The weakness lies in the groin

As he was questionned about the various feats a cyborg like him could do, he was asked about his groin injury which kept him from participating in the last games. ” My processor lies in my groin. I have an electrical pannel that is well hidden in this area and the door keeps on opening and if my pannel is left opened while I am hit by a player, I could potentially have my memory erased or I could simply disconnect. I will not return to play until my pannel is restored to its original state.”. When journalists asked Forsberg to show his pannel, he replied ” Negative. Only my creator can access that area ”. All of the journalists then asked ” Who is your creator? “ he said ” The first man-machine ever conceived: Gordie Howe 1.0. “

Sakic shocked

Team captain Joe Sakic was shocked when he heard the news. ” Now I can understand why he went missing for so long! I am not sure if I would feel at ease with a fringing robot on the bench next to me. Ian Laperrière is troubling enough to look at. “.